


Let's be selfish, just a bit longer

by TheUnusualShipper



Category: IT (1990), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mild Smut, They were so cute, We deserve more 1990 adult Reddie, just a hint of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 08:09:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20005063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnusualShipper/pseuds/TheUnusualShipper
Summary: Set somewhere after the library scene (1990). After hanging out with the Losers for the whole night, Richie needs a break and Eddie is ready to help.





	Let's be selfish, just a bit longer

**Author's Note:**

> Just a couple of things;  
> I love the old IT movie, and just in case you don't, y'all should too  
> Richie and Eddie were one of the first fictional couple of "friends" that made me go !! gay !!, so I guess they deserve this before the new movie comes out  
> English is not my first language so yeah, you know what to expect now  
> Enjoy some old-school Reddie 💖 Or hate it, I don't know your life

_That_ was going to be their last night.

Richie knew it, and the others did too. He was just less reluctant to think about it, to the point where he, ironically, couldn’t stop anymore. All he could think about was the six of them, spending their night together like they used to do when they were kids, just talking and talking. 

All Richie could think about was how eerie the number six was to him now. The fact that Stan wasn’t there was just a painful reminder that in twenty-four hours maybe none of them would be there. 

There probably wouldn’t be a single Loser left to breathe in the night air in a matter of hours, and Richie couldn’t stop thinking about how terrified he was, no matter how hard he tried to protect himself with his humour. 

As always, nothing good seemed to ever work out when It was around. His jokes seemed to land on deaf ears; he wasn’t in the mood, and neither were his friends.

Knowing that once again he could do nothing to make them smile, to see them happy, it felt like a screwdriver lodged deep in his chest. A dull, strong pain, that irradiated all the way to his arms and hands, that after a while started to feel numb.

After he started fiddling with the hem of his shirt, Richie could finally feel his fingers again; they felt cold as if his body was already preparing to run, cutting off his blood supply in all the almost useless parts of his body. He could tell by the way the back of his neck was sweating, as well.

He was scared, ready to run, to fight, to die. Only he wasn’t facing it like a hero like Bill probably was. Richie was no hero, he was a sad comedian with years of repressed trauma always adding a hint of sourness to his words. There wasn’t a single moment in which he believed he could make it.

His fiddling turned more aggressive and he started to pick at loose strands; that was a nice shirt, they surely couldn’t have been there before. Richie had been slowly but surely picking at the material, until six hundred dollars of expensive fabric started to fall apart beneath his fingers, their relentless attack that grew in intensity the more Richie thought. 

All the thinking was probably the last thing he should’ve been doing. He should’ve been catching up with his friends instead of zoning out, trying to enjoy what was left of their existence. 

But, they didn’t seem to notice he was being quiet for once, so he just slowly let himself sink deeper in that fear and panic. There was no point in trying to avoid it; they could all spend the entire night telling each other tales and chuckling like idiots, but the truth was _they were going to die_. 

Maybe not all of them, Richie told himself. There were people in that group that had always been stronger, relentless. Beverly was an obvious example. Richie couldn’t imagine It actually having enough power over her to kill her, even if his negativity didn’t waste any time in filling in the gaps, showing him how that monster could take over his friend. 

Bill was also stronger than anyone Richie had ever met. They were all strong in their own twisted ways, but Bill was special and they all knew it, gravitated to him like he was born to be their leader and they were born to follow, to fight and die by his side.

It sounded poetic, epic even, but Richie could still feel bile rising in his throat at the thought; sometimes it didn’t really matter if Bill’s cause was righteous. Richie knew that had he been in his friend’s shoes, he would’ve done nothing different, and yet he still knew he was nothing but a soldier in this war. Bill was leading them, and by the look that dawned on everyone’s faces as soon as there was more than a moment of silence, they all knew where he was leading them. 

At least, Bill seemed to know as well. He was silent most of the night, brainstorming and torturing himself as he usually did. 

In that particular moment, it did not help to see Bill dozing off with his head on Beverly’s lap while listening to her talk. Seeing him so calm didn't help, not when he was so on edge, ready to give in to the anger and resentment that It was surely pushing onto him, maybe hoping to break their little group up.

The fiddling turned to pulling, but before he could give himself a chance to regret what he was doing to his crazy expensive shirt, a soft hand touched his and immediately stopped him.

Richie didn’t need to look up to know who it was; it was something that happened often with all the Losers. He could sense when they were near, he could tell who was sneaking up on him, although he didn’t know why and was not inclined to find out. The chances of it being something related to the supernatural was way too high and Richie’d had just about enough of that surreal bullshit fucking up his brain. 

This time it was different, that type of soft touch could only come from one person and Richie knew it better than most; he’d never tried to hide how fond he was of Eddie. All he could remember from his first impressions was that the kid had always seemed sad and grumpy. He was the colour beige come to life, wearing human skin.

Eddie desperately needed a good laugh, and Richie was there. And then, any time Eddie had ever needed to smile, Richie had always been there, because it had soon turned out to be the absolute most satisfying feeling in the world. 

It wasn’t terribly easy, to make Eddie laugh when he was a kid. He’d put up an armour to protect himself from everything his mother had ever warned him of, and those were a _lot_ of things. Eddie used to get genuinely upset when Richie touched him too much, at first. Then it had just turned into their little game. Richie would hassle him some and Eddie would pretend to be mad, they would bicker and tease each other for a while, and then Eddie would eventually let a laugh slip out.

Richie had been surprised to find how things had changed. While Eddie had been all chubby cheeks and pouty mouth when he was young, the adult he’d turned into seemed almost desperate to just smile for any reason. Much like most of them, of course. Richie just hadn’t expected Eddie to grow up and wear his heart on his sleeve like that.

Eddie seemed to have gotten tired of pouting and sulking; in just a night Richie had seen him smile and laugh more times than he could count, he had seen him cry, had seen him talk directly to each and every one of them without having to open his mouth, just using those dark brown eyes of his. They had gotten exponentially bigger over the years, and were now almost impossible not to look at. For Richie, that is. 

But then again, when had it ever been easy for Richie to have eyes for anyone but Eddie? He had been teased endlessly about it for years.

“Rich, I need to get some air.” Richie blinked, surprised for a moment as he remembered this little secret he shared with the younger man. It came rushing back to him, just like every small thing did. Powerful and overwhelming.

They all shared something between the seven of them. Each of the Losers had at some point had the chance to bond with the other six kids, and there were lots of untold things between them. Small secrets that didn’t need to be shared, for once, that only belonged to a couple of them.

Richie liked to feel strong. He liked to stop himself from blinking for as long as possible during horror movies at the Paramount, gloating when Beverly would ask how he even managed. 

Richie didn’t get scared easily, he was always the first to face Bowers and call him out on his bullshit. He would always react, pushed by anger more than by real bravery. He would also immediately regret his brash decisions, but that part was for himself to know. The Losers surely did as well, but they were kind enough not to mention it. 

Eddie was kind enough to pretend he was the one in need when Richie needed to get away, so he could take a breather without having to admit to needing it in the first place. 

They used to do that a lot when they were kids. Eddie had faked more asthma attacks than he could count, just so Richie could pretend to take him to the nursery. They would sneak out of the school and go spend the rest of the day somewhere else, alone and far from everything that made Derry the hellscape that it was. 

Richie wanted to thank him, to hug him for remembering first, but he put an arm around his neck instead. The façade came back up in a second, and before he could stop himself he was ruffling Eddie’s soft tufts of dirty blond hair. 

“I’m gonna take this kid out for a walk so he can tire himself out and stop bothering me. See you all in a bit.” He tried to bring himself back, to play the jester as he usually would, but everything came out tired and half-assed, so he dragged the younger man away, as quick as they could while tripping over each other.

They didn’t go outside. Neither of them felt safe enough to venture out there.; Derry was a dangerous place on a good day, and that was no good day. 

As soon as they got away from the others, Richie steered right twice and led Eddie up the stairs, all the way to his room. It took him a few seconds to open the door, and they had him grumbling in annoyance already, so before he could even invite Eddie inside he was already throwing himself on his bed, debating on whether he should bring out his suitcase just to make a scene.

He was too tired to do it, but the thought was a nice one. It definitely felt like he deserved to make a scene, given the circumstances. 

It was just so much easier to sink his face in the pillow, desperately trying to drown out his own thoughts. Nothing seemed to be working, and he really wanted to get away. From It, from that town, from everything. He wanted to run as fast as he could and hop on the first plane, bus, train or boat ready to go, but there was no point in fantasizing. 

Leaving his friends to deal with that monster without him, especially when they had just lost Stan, was not an option no matter how hard he wanted it to be. 

Richie was slowly pushing himself towards his own grave and it seemed to him like he finally had a good enough excuse to go completely insane.

Except he didn’t, because Eddie did what he always did. He sat on the bed next to him, crossed his legs on the mattress and then laid a hand on the small of Richie’s back, patting him gently. 

Eddie was there for him and it’s not like Richie would ever consider leaving him behind. 

In fact, Richie wished the younger man could just bail, for once. He wished the same for all his friends, because he didn’t like knowing them in danger, or dead. Richie wished they could just bail together, as a group, but there were only so many chances of something like that happening.

Almost all of them had gotten away from Derry the first time, and one was left behind. One phone call had been enough to bring almost all of them back, but once again they were not seven, but six.

Richie knew that what had happened to Stan was not their fault, couldn’t be, but wishful thinking didn’t change a thing. Stan was no longer with them, so it was only logical that they would be even weaker. Ever since they'd received the news, Richie had slowly learned how fiercely he would miss every single one of his friends if anything were to happen to them. They were not gonna let It separate them this time, assuming they had a choice.

Still, Richie rationally knew this time nobody would get to run. They’d done that for way too long, and maybe he could convince Eddie, maybe he could convince Ben if he convinced Beverly first, but there was no way Richie was ever gonna drag Bill and Mike out of that forsaken town before they were done dealing with the evil that resided there. They were gonna die trying regardless of what Richie and the others decided to do, and that left them, him, no choice.

They were gonna fight the fucking clown, and most likely die trying. A shudder ran through him as if his body was telling him to bolt once again, and Eddie immediately sensed it.

The movement of his hand stopped, and even though Richie’s face was still buried deep in the pillow, he could tell Eddie had lowered his head to look at him. 

“I’m scared too, you know. We all are.” He muttered, and Richie had been waiting for a reason to argue with someone about this. 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Does anyone remember that it feeds on fear? That it said it makes us taste good, like some sort of fucked-up seasoning?” Richie immediately felt guilty. None of this was Eddie’s fault. In fact, none of the Losers was to blame, none of them had asked for this. But Richie liked to look at the facts first and foremost, and the truth was that regardless of what had happened, they were here.

Nothing was gonna change that, or what was going to happen. Trying to cheer Richie up was probably useless, and he wanted to say so, expecting Eddie to start pouting at his outburst and give him enough time to talk, but the younger man surprised him by wasting no more than a second to hit back. 

“Do you remember that it couldn’t kill us when we were all together? Being scared doesn’t make us any more vulnerable than splitting up would.” 

That moment of silence was longer, painstakingly longer. Time always seemed to flow differently in Derry, slower, especially when negative feelings were in the air. Richie had never experimented anything like time in that town. The clock on the nightstand was supposed to be ticking, the seconds were supposed to be passing by, and yet they were both breathing in and out again a total of three times before a second passed and the clock ticked, the sound loud and eerie in the silence that had formed. 

Almost as if the town knew they were thinking about Stan and wanted them to suffer for as long as possible; Stan had been far away from danger. He’d been safe in his house with his wife and he should have just stayed there. Breaking that promise could have been done by any of them, maybe all of them. They were just kids, after all.

And yet Stan had decided that dying would have been a better option instead. It had gotten to him, even from so far away. 

There was no way for them to tell if they would be able to live a peaceful life if they decided to run instead of facing It. Part of Richie still believed it was a chance they should have taken, but it was already too late. 

Once again, Eddie surprised Richie by refusing to let the fear take over. That silence was poisonous and Eddie spoke up once again: 

“We wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you.” The hand on the small of Richie’s back disappeared, and he immediately longed for that contact. Then, before he could lift his head and inquire about the sudden loss of contact, the touch was back, almost as if Eddie had heard him, his longing. 

“We’ll protect each other.” He sounded so sure, and Richie wanted to argue, to tell him that no matter how hard they tried to _protect each other_ , as he put it, they were still going up against an immortal being from God-knows-where and were going to die. 

But he didn’t say any of it, because it wasn’t necessary. Eddie already knew that, but for once was showing a determination Richie was lacking.

The older man found himself sitting in front of Eddie, right hand grabbing a fistful of hair on the back of his neck and bringing him close until their foreheads were touching. His eyes were closed, and he took his time to try to feel Eddie’s determination, basking in it. As much as Richie felt like he was leeching off of Eddie’s strength, he couldn’t help himself. And, he didn’t want to make Eddie feel as miserable as he did, so he just let the younger man try to make him feel better. It actually kind of worked, just being close to him.

“Shucks, Eds, you’re gonna make me blush.” His murmur was soft and there was no real effort in his words or his tone, and the younger man chuckled just as softly in reply. 

“Shut up.”, and Richie did. He shut his mouth for once, closing his eyes once again as he felt himself and Eddie both leaning closer and closer to each other. The pressure on his forehead shifted slowly, and that movement eventually led him to lower his head just enough to catch Eddie’s lips in a kiss, sighing in relief at the sensation. 

They’d kissed a few times before when they were younger. Both kisses had been initiated by Richie and ended by Eddie just as quickly. He’d done it once to make Bev laugh, and the second time just a few days after that because Eddie had called him disgusting and yet, Richie could swear he had seen him blush. Desperate to tease him and curious to find out more about that reaction, he’d delivered another swift peck to his lips, only to get his glasses snatched from his face and then thrown back at it.

That had been the end of it, until now, and yet it didn’t feel like more than a day had passed. Richie expected Eddie to pull back again, maybe try to steal his glasses only to remember that they were now gone, comfortably replaced by contacts. 

Instead, Eddie leaned towards his friend and let their lips touch in a more intimate way. He was gentle and soft against Richie’s lips, caressing without trying to get more. In fact, the kiss was so delicate it turned maddening into a couple of seconds, and Richie let go of Eddie’s hair only to take a hold of the back of his head. That way he could comfortably press him closer and let their lips slot together, putting an end to the surprising teasing on Eddie’s part.

The younger man flinched when he felt Richie’s moustache prickling his lip, but he soon compensated with one of the sweetest sounds Richie had ever heard in his life. More than a sigh and less than a gasp, it sounded like a moan but wasn’t, it sounded sweet and yet it made Richie itch for more. 

Instead of doing that, he slowly pulled back, disappointed when their lips parted and he was no longer able to feel that warmth. At least time seemed to be flowing normally again because the moment of silence between one of the clock’s ticks and the other was not so unnaturally long anymore. 

“Why did you do that?” Eddie was looking at him already when Richie opened his eyes, and he found himself staring at a frown that made him feel very guilty. Like a kid getting caught with his hand in the jar of cookies. 

“I don’t-”

“Stopping, I mean.” When Eddie interrupted him once again Richie was starting to think this was all an illusion, that It had somehow gotten to him. He tried to recall if he had ever been alone that night since he’d joined the others, but all his doubts were quickly swept away when Eddie, unnerved by his silence, pulled back all the way. 

“You’re getting tongue-tied _now_ , Richie?” Luckily, he was just teasing. It didn’t seem like he had any expectations, for which Richie was both grateful and slightly offended. Men were not exactly his thing, and he was sure if word ever got around he would not be just as welcome on tv anymore. For that, he was grateful. Eddie was thoughtful if anything.

But, Eddie wasn’t just a man. Eddie was… _Eddie_. Nobody except the Losers could understand that the love they shared went beyond all normal boundaries, and for some reason he expected Eddie to know that Richie wouldn't run from this.

“Well, maybe you didn’t want to keep going. I was being courteous.” He tried to hide how satisfied he was with the comeback he came up with. It made halfway sense, so Eddie rolled his eyes in response, knowing that Richie would somehow find a way to have the upper hand. He simply wasn’t going to let him. 

“Nice one, blaming it on me when I just asked you why you stopped.” Richie was about to come up with something good to say; all he needed was a second to do so, but Eddie seemed to have other plans. Like he didn’t have time for Richie’s games… And it’s not like he was wrong. 

The younger man kissed him once again, this time with more force. He slotted their lips together messily, squeezing his eyes as he tried to make the kiss last as long as he could, even when they both started to feel their lungs burning from lack of oxygen. 

They eventually had to part once more, and Richie hated every second of it. He just wanted to latch onto those lips and never let go. He couldn’t tell what was so magical behind them; maybe their history was hidden in each kiss, the unconditional love they’ve felt for each other for so long, the fact that they’d always only had each other and the Losers, or the fact that they might both die soon. 

Richie tried to break down his feelings as Eddie’s kiss left him dizzy, but he couldn’t come up with a good answer. None of that felt right. 

“Now that we’re clear, you can choose where we go from here.” Richie was ready to complain, stopping himself just in time. Eddie knew what Richie had on the line, had always known. There was a line between them that the younger man just would not cross, and as much as Richie hated having the responsibility of what might happen between them all on himself, he still appreciated it.

Appreciated it enough to not bitch about it, but not enough to actually give in. Eddie would just have to try a little harder and quickly understood that as the older man grinned wickedly. 

“Actually, I’m not thoroughly convinced. I might need you to give me another kiss to figure out if you really want this.” Richie tried to drag him closer but was quickly slowed down by Eddie who put his hands on Richie’s shoulders and pushed, surprisingly hard. 

“ _Absolutely_ not.” By the end of the sentence, Richie was lying down completely, with Eddie sitting right next to his hip, knees loosely drawn up to his chest and a goofy smile on his lips as he looked down at Richie. 

The younger man looked comfortable, smelled and tasted and felt like home, somehow not in the bad, creepy way. Eddie was one of the few good things in the nightmare that had been his home, and he made it seem worth it. Going back, just to get there? It suddenly didn’t sound like such a bad idea. Skipping out on that would’ve been a bad idea.

“Well, I know what I want. What do you want?” Richie propped himself up on his elbow, so he could see his friend better. He’d often teased him in the past for looking so delicate, petite in a way. He’d teased him about his dirty blonde hair, telling Eddie it reminded him of a rat. 

Richie had never been serious about any of that; in fact, he thought Eddie’s hair looked particularly nice at that moment, only illuminated by the moonlight coming in through the window. 

Neither of them had bothered turning the lights on, and yet it felt comfortable being there, in the dark, just in the presence of each other. Trying to figure out what to do with their time, their bond, their longing. 

Richie knew what he wanted, he was pretty sure he’d always known. What had always been unclear was what Eddie wanted. A few heated kiss did little to make Richie forget the years they spent so close to each other, and yet not close enough. 

“I just want to feel something.” Eddie sounded suddenly desperate, and Richie knew what he meant. There had been an emptiness inside of him that he hadn’t been able to fill. Even when he’d completely forgotten about that accursed town, he’d never been able to find happiness. 

Everything had seemed fake, like a golden cage, but much more big and empty. Love never seemed to work out. Personal relationships were tough. Only his job had been somewhat satisfying, but neither that nor the unhealthy amount of alcohol and cocaine he’d consumed had managed to make him feel whole. 

Richie felt whole now. He could only assume Eddie needed a little push in the right direction to start feeling the same, so he started out slow. Put his hand on his thigh, squeezed gently and basked in the satisfaction he felt at the gasp Eddie let out. 

Eddie had always had a complicated relationship with his own sexuality, and Richie had plenty of questions to ask as soon as he saw him, so receptive. He didn’t ask them, because there was no need for an answer. By that point, Richie knew that what he felt was usually shared between the Losers. He was rarely wrong when he had a hunch. 

“You should relax a little first. Come down here.” Richie beckoned him, and Eddie was quick to comply, eager despite not having a clear idea of what he wanted to do. Luckily for both, the older man had always been the brains of most operations and this one was no different.

He had a plan, and it started as soon as their lips met again. This time it felt like fireworks, the sensation so strong Richie had to pull back for a second before diving right back in. 

As overwhelming as a kiss could be, Richie wasn’t gonna let himself get distracted; he had a reputation to keep up with, although this time it was for different reasons. 

His right hand found its way back to Eddie’s nape, where he got a good grip before finally delving his tongue into the younger man’s mouth. He expected a typical Eddie reaction, maybe a flinch or something, but Eddie’s mouth just clamped down onto his tongue and spasmed a few times as he sucked it with a hint of desperation. 

Richie could only be that surprised when he eventually let out a moan first. Eddie was sensitive and responsive like nobody Richie had ever been with, but it was pretty hard to think straight when his friend was sucking on his tongue as if his life depended on it. 

Richie let Eddie enjoy that moment for a little longer before he tightened his grip on the back of his head, groaning softly to let him know it was time to stop.

Eddie, as always, was quick to listen to him and went back to kissing him gently, as one would expect from him.

He was gentle, and he felt fragile in Richie’s arms, as if he was about to disappear. The urge to flip him over became overwhelming in a few seconds, and before Richie could blink, he was staring down at a huge pair of dark brown eyes that were looking up at him, startled and intrigued. 

Eddie had agreed to take some clothes off only after kicking Richie out of the bed to go lock the door. It was understandable, not like Richie wanted Ben or Mike to suddenly walk in, he just didn’t want to get up and have to close the door _himself_.

His complaining would have worked with anyone else, but it didn’t work with Eddie who just suggested they go back downstairs instead, and Richie found himself up and locking the door before he could even think about his own wounded pride. 

By the time Richie had gotten back on the bed, he had urged them both out of their clothes. Eddie seemed to have endless patience, just content with being teased minute after minute, kiss after kiss, but the older man had never been known for his patience, not at all. Quite the contrary actually, there were several ex-agents of his who could have vouched for that. 

Eddie tried to slow him down as Richie got to their underwear, gently taking his hands, urging him to go slower with no words. He did realize he was doing things in a frenzy, not even thinking about enjoying the moment. It happened to him quite often and was grateful when Eddie helped him find some sort of calm again.

He didn’t move slow, granted, but he did try to enjoy everything a bit more. Not only did it work, but it took surprisingly little. 

Eddie wasn’t a loud being by all means; he’d often passed completely unnoticed in his life and it had taken him a long time to actually start making friends. Even then, he’d been able to ramble on and talk with them, but he was still not loud. The younger man had always liked to wait until people were ready to hear him, never liked raising his voice.

It made sense that he wasn’t loud in bed either, even with a burning hot body rubbing up against his; Richie didn’t mind it, because he could hear everything he needed. 

Perhaps Eddie wasn’t one to scream or moan out loud, but by being so close to him it didn’t take much to pick up on the small sounds he made, delicious little gasps and moans and whimpers. For the first time in his life, Richie felt like making his partner scream would be overkill.

He took his time, letting their bodies grow accustomed to each other; he knew that despite their bond all of this was new. They'd never been together like that, and Richie didn't want to ask but felt like Eddie had never been with _anyone_ like that. 

Certainly, he wouldn't have been with a man, and Richie worried for a few seconds; what if they ended up regretting this?

His worries were quickly swept away by Eddie squirming beneath him, desperately trying to get more friction through the layers of fabric that still separated them.

As soon as he seemed to find a good angle, he started to rock his hips slowly, letting out soft puffs of breath as he did so. Richie was barely keeping himself together.

"The things I'd do to you…" His murmur sent a shiver down Eddie's spine, and they both felt it everywhere. As if they were connected, just one body, senses heightened. 

Eddie blinked up at him, gulping and clearly trying to find the right words. Not that Richie needed to hear them, not when the want in Eddie's eyes was so obvious, but he gave him time to think about it anyway.

"You can do them if you want." By that point, Eddie was almost scoffing in his desperate attempt to look unruffled by what was going on.

The look on his face seemed to scream all his insecurities out loud, even if it was literally his best attempt at looking neutral in a moment like that. Richie could tell how hard he was trying to keep himself together, and he could easily understand how Eddie was feeling.

Overwhelmed, the touch of skin on skin almost unbearably pleasant and hot. Every breath and sound seemed to echo in the room and in Richie's head, the taste of Eddie's kiss still vivid on his lips. 

It was hard, not losing control. There were a million things he wanted to do, and definitely not enough time. That made them both more desperate than they even realized. Knowing that it could be the first and last time, trying to figure out which things weren't as important and which ones they couldn't skip on. Not when they knew there was a chance they would never do this again. 

Eventually, Richie was the first one to move; he'd recently started using lube instead of Vaseline, and he had to admit that the colourful bottle looked a lot less ominous coming out of his bedside drawer. Richie hoped it looked harmless enough to pass unobserved, but Eddie was especially good at noticing things Richie wanted to keep a secret.

"You had something planned?" Although there was a hint of sadness in Eddie's voice, he was at least masking it with a smile. Not that it made Richie feel particularly better. He was almost frantic, as he tried to explain:

"I mean, yes. No. Maybe? I'm not sure, I always bring some around just in case-"

"Rich, it's okay." Eddie's hand was suddenly on his mouth, warm and soft and forcing him to stay silent, for once. Richie was not used to this and some part of him wanted to keep talking, keep explaining. The idea of leaving something untold between them was especially unpleasant. Richie certainly didn’t want Eddie to think he’d planned this, or worse, planned it with somebody else.

He was just used to carrying that stuff around, and he honestly hadn’t expected to make good use of it in Derry of all places; he wanted to say that, but Eddie apparently didn’t need to hear it. The hint of sadness Richie’d seen in his eyes was already gone. 

“I wouldn’t change a thing.” _I’m glad it’s you_. _I’m sorry it took us so long_. _I don’t know why we’re only doing this now_. _I wish we could have known what we were missing out on._ _I missed you. I need you now_.

All those things went unsaid, and there was no real need to say anything more than what Richie had already said. Eddie seemed to understand without missing a beat, blinking with a pleasantly surprised expression on his face. 

Did he not expect Richie to feel as strongly for him as he did? 

The older man felt compelled to show Eddie exactly how many things he did not know about Richie, and in a few more moments he had gotten rid of their underwear, tossing them carelessly on the ground and silencing Eddie’s complaint with a kiss that left him distracted enough to forget about germs and dirt or whatever was bothering him at that moment. 

A few well-placed kisses were more than enough to bring Eddie’s attention elsewhere. He just kept on clutching the older man as soon as he felt they weren’t close enough. Because of that, it took a little longer to Richie to get a condom in the nightstand drawer, but for the sake of their sanity, he didn’t even try to pry Eddie off of himself. He was perfectly fine with being hugged and held as if it was impossible for Eddie to resist, and he didn’t want an inch of distance between their bodies either. 

The Losers had always been each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They all seemed to believe they could only prevail if they were together, and Richie didn’t disagree, he just didn’t think being together necessarily made them stronger in any case.

There was weakness in numbers, too; out of seven of them, It had already gotten to one before they could even come back… And now all of them were feeling grief and loss. They were weaker. Maybe someone would find a source of force from that grief and pain, Beverly was usually especially good at doing that, but Richie didn’t think he could.

All he knew was that he felt much weaker, almost dazed after losing one of his best friends. 

Richie could only find comfort in Eddie’s arms and he was so happy It hadn’t gotten to him as well. He was glad that Eddie was there, with him, still alive and breathing, squirming beneath his body as if asking him to get a move on. 

He put his hands on the younger man’s skin and inhaled deeply at the feeling. He could feel the synapses in his brain firing and going crazy as he tried to collect every single detail in Eddie’s warm skin, the uneven sound of his breathing as Richie’s touches grew more intimate. 

As he felt those hands slide higher and higher on his thighs, Eddie was clearly too overwhelmed to reciprocate, and Richie was perfectly fine like that. He’d never been a particularly selfish lover, and he was positive there was no way he could ever start with Eddie. 

The younger man seemed to be touch-starved, arching into every caress as if trying to get more and more, more than he could handle and more than Richie could give. Boundaries didn’t stop them, not when they were already so far ahead, not when they’d already tasted just how good their love could be if only they gave it a fair chance. 

Richie was definitely giving it his best shot at that moment; he explored every inch of Eddie’s body, not too slow but not too fast either, just trying to touch all of him. He quickly found the most sensitive spots on Eddie’s body; some of them he remembered from their childhood. Richie would pinch Eddie’s skin just above his hip, and the younger man would basically howl in laughter, trying to get away with all his power. He was ticklish, especially on his inner thighs, and his sides. As soon as Richie put his hands on his hips and then tried to slide higher, he barely managed to get to the bottom row of Eddie’s ribs before his friend was giggling uncontrollably, begging him to stop.

Richie smiled, and decided to skip that part for the moment; instead, he brought his hand back down to Eddie’s crotch, taking him in hand and forgetting to blink for a while just to absorb every detail of Eddie’s reaction. 

He shivered deliciously, yet another soft sound slipping past his lips the second he decided to stop biting down on them so viciously. It looked like it had to hurt, so Richie leaned in for another kiss, giving Eddie something better to do rather than chewing his own mouth off.

The strokes on Eddie’s cock were slow and deliberate. Maybe he wanted Eddie to scream. Just a bit. 

He knew the odds of that actually happening were embarrassingly low, especially when Eddie looked at him with hooded eyes, hips twitching at every touch and breath catching in his throat, and this time it wasn’t because of an asthma attack. 

Eddie looked delectable. His hair was tousled and there was a hint of redness to his whole face, lips either stubbornly sealed or slightly open. Either way, Richie wanted to kiss him more than he could process, and it took him an unnatural amount of strength to let go of Eddie’s cock, catching his hand on the man’s inner thigh and pushing his leg up, just a little. 

Richie had always been flashy, he liked to show off, but this was no night to show off. Both him and Eddie just wanted to feel safe for a moment, to feel good, to _feel_. They definitely didn’t feel like trying out some odd position, and both were perfectly content when Richie settled on top of Eddie, kneeling between his legs and holding his thighs up by having them lean on his own. 

That way, Richie could comfortably touch everything, and if the way he blushed was of any indication, Eddie knew it.

“Have I ever told you you’re pretty, Eds?” The question made the younger man blush almost furiously as he huffed, trying once again to act like words didn’t bother him. He wasn’t very good at it. 

“Yeah. You used to tell me all the time when we were kids and you know I hate it.” Right, Eddie had always pretended to hate being called pretty. Richie was shocked at himself for not remembering the number of times Eddie had shrieked back that _he was a boy, not a girl, only girls were cute and he hated being called cute_.

And yet, the blush on Eddie’s face made Richie think he didn’t mind that compliment as much as pretended to. Richie was actually pretty sure Eddie like being called pretty, just didn’t have the guts to ask for it. Just another one of his hunches. 

“Well, it’s because it’s true. You’re really pretty. You’re cute.” He teased, his words turning sugary as he whispered them an inch or two away from Eddie’s face.

The younger man propped himself up on the pillows with his elbows and was quick to fill that space between them, catching Richie’s lips in yet another kiss.

He was telling him to shut up, but this time he was doing it in a way Richie could get on board with. Not getting to tease Eddie because he was too busy kissing him instead sounded like a damn good deal, so he did just that and let the kiss and the longing take over. 

Richie hadn’t even realized he’d started moving again, not until Eddie gasped and arched on the bed, catching the older man’s wrist in his hand. 

“Richie…” 

“I got you, Eds.” Eddie rolled his eyes, huffing again. 

“Stop calling me that.” 

“Sure thing Eds.” Richie’s comeback was so quick it actually made Eddie laugh, a spontaneous sound that only led to another kiss, because Richie just couldn’t get enough, not even as he was trying to prepare them both. 

The condom was on him in record time; he’d often forgotten to use one in his life, and that was one of Eddie’s boundaries that Richie would never break. Feeling safe was all they both really wanted and needed, and Richie didn’t feel like he could take that away from his friend. 

When the lube got on his fingers and he started warming it, it became difficult to catch Eddie’s eyes. The younger man was always looking away when he didn’t have his eyes closed as if he was trying to hide, but Richie would have none of that. Not tonight. 

“Are you sure you want this?” Such a long pause after a question like that should have been alarming, but Richie didn’t falter for a moment when he saw the look on Eddie’s face, who finally looked back at him instead of looking away, hiding in the darkest corners of the room where Richie couldn’t get to him where he couldn’t feel him. Insecurities and fears seemed to be coming and going, so Richie did his best to support Eddie through all of it.

“I do. I’ve just never done this. It feels…” For a moment Richie thought that maybe Eddie wasn’t as comfortable doing this as he’d thought he’d be, but the smile on the younger man’s lips ended his sentence for him, and Richie breathed out in relief, so quietly he barely heard himself. 

“It feels right, doesn’t it?” His hand was suddenly back between their bodies and Eddie wasn’t given much time to answer before a slick knuckle was sliding teasingly over his hole. Richie felt him clench on instinct and grinned against his lips, kissing him a few more times, certainly not less than ten.

“I've got you.” He said it again, and this time it seemed to work. Like it had worked for Richie when Eddie had told him the Losers would never let something bad happen to him, Eddie relaxed in his arms when Richie finally started to feel like he knew what he was doing. 

He’d taken care of Eddie more than a couple of times. They’d been best friends and given their history they had often needed each other, supported each other. Been there when the other needed it, even if just by sitting in silence next to each other. 

He knew how to take care of Eddie. He knew the younger man better than most, probably better than anybody, and if anyone could make him finally _feel_ , Richie knew it had to be him.

When he felt his friend relax in his arms, he teased him once more with his finger, the tip catching on the rim teasingly for a few moments. Richie could feel now more than ever how aroused he was and was surprised by how easy it was to ignore it as he finally let a finger slide inside.

There was barely any resistance by that point, but Eddie still moaned softly, teeth catching Richie’s tongue in a sort of warning. He didn’t hate it, but the older man knew he had to go slow, or he would most certainly ruin this.

Knowing he had to go slow, that’s exactly what he did. Eight minutes later, three of his fingers were buried deep down in Eddie’s body, and there were no more complaints, no more teeth threatening to bite a chunk of Richie’s tongue off.

In fact, Eddie had no time to kiss him anymore; as soon as Richie had learned where the younger man’s prostate was, he’d found great enjoyment in assaulting it without mercy, happily humming against Eddie’s mouth as he tried to suffocate some of the noises his friend was making. 

There was definitely no holding back anymore, not when they were both so high on each other’s touch and pleasure. Eddie had been pushing back for the past five minutes, not complaining anymore but instead trying to cover his mouth, biting on his own fingers and lips, occasionally Richie’s tongue when he had enough breath to kiss him back. 

He was no longer tense or uncertain, the way he slowly rocked his hips let Richie know Eddie was ready; they’d both taken their time, all the time they needed, and he was positive they were ready. Despite his latest hunch, he still decided to ask for confirmation, grinning in response to Eddie’s wanton groan. 

“I think I’m ready as I’ll ever be.” That was all Richie needed to know. Eddie looked confident, felt relaxed and soft beneath his hands and his body. 

He pulled his fingers out, slowly, enjoying the way the rim tightened around his knuckles as if refusing to let him go. Eddie whined through the whole process, knowing he was being watched and for once definitely not complaining about it. 

Richie’s cock was begging for attention; he hadn’t really paid much attention to his own body but he knew he was ready as well, he could feel it. He’d been ready since the beginning, probably longer than that. 

He steadily wiped the excess lube on his cock before lining up; he teased just a little bit more, pushing in just a couple of inches before he pulled back. 

Eddie’s breath stopped beautifully for a moment, his ribs showing against his skin as he inhaled and then kept the air in his lungs. As soon as the older man pulled out, the air in his lungs did the same, rushing out of him. 

He felt dizzy, something Richie could tell by the way he swatted off his own glasses, rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes and then over his mouth as he gasped. 

Richie had taken advantage of the moment to push back inside, this time almost all the way. Halfway through he had to stop, clenching his fists on Eddie’s hips as he felt the younger man clenching around him perhaps a little too hard. Now Richie was definitely feeling dizzy as well.

It took a couple more moments before he finally bottomed out, hips flush against Eddie’s ass. His warmth was now everywhere, not just against his skin. Eddie was around him and all over him, inside him, inside his lungs, everywhere Richie’s senses could reach. 

There was no need for words anymore, and no way they would actually manage to talk even if they tried. They were both breathing heavily, trying to be as silent as possible while moving slowly against each other. The old mattress squeaked beneath them as Richie rolled his hips instead of pulling back. It felt good like that, without having to move and abandon that heat even for a moment. Besides, Eddie seemed to be enjoying that lazy roll of his hips as well, if the way he rhythmically gasped and whimpered was of any indication. 

There were also hands clutching at his shoulders, blunt fingernails digging into his skin whenever he rolled his hips back and up. A million small things were letting Richie know that even if they hadn’t even properly started yet, they were both enjoying this more than they’d thought they would. 

An almost desperate whimper echoed in the dark room when Richie eventually pulled back, even if it was just so he could push back in. It was such a sweet sound, it immediately got matched by a broken grunt on Richie’s part, who’d promptly decided to sink his teeth in the soft skin of where Eddie’s neck met his shoulder. He was sweetest there, and Richie bit and sucked at the same spot over and over as he moved back and forth.

His movements were deep as he took advantage of his entire body to give himself that extra push he needed. Every thrust would send Eddie sliding back up the mattress half an inch or so, but the younger man didn’t complain, just planted his feet on the bed on either side of his best friend’s thighs, and took everything Richie had to give. 

It was probably not ideal; the room was dark and they could barely see each other, the air around them was far from being warm and their best friends were probably downstairs wondering where Richie and Eddie could be, while a monster in the sewers was getting ready to eat them, boots and all.

Despite all of that, it was perfect just the way it was. Richie was crouched over the younger man, almost protectively. He tried to give him as many kisses as he possibly could despite being so out of breath, and Eddie didn’t hesitate to give back. 

It hadn’t taken Eddie that long to understand exactly what to do, and Richie was actually pretty surprised by that. There had been a time where he would have expected Eddie to change his mind halfway through, getting a panic attack a moment before it was about to happen.

Maybe some things had never changed, but Eddie had, in so many ways. There was no running from Richie’s touch anymore, just soft gasps and smiles.

To Richie, it felt like both a minute and an hour. He would sometimes stop thrusting to roll his hips once more, enjoy the way Eddie would grab a pillow to be able to moan freely into the fabric, but then he would go back to that pace that was getting more and more frantic on both parts. 

Eddie’s cock was nestled between their stomachs, leaking precum on their skin and letting them know he didn’t need any more attention than that, so the older man focused on picking up his pace without making too much noise.

He hated having to think about being silent, but it was just the way things were and there was nothing he could do about it. He could only thrust harder, slower and deeper, hitting the spot almost every time. Eddie clenched around him and moaned beneath him, trying to keep his voice low as the pleasure quickly became unbearable for both. 

The pleasure they shared was not limited to their bodies, because Richie could swear he felt it in his own gut when Eddie finally let go and came, making a mess between them. Richie was sure the pleasure he was feeling couldn't be just his, it was just too strong, too intense.

Definitely too much for him to resist, and he toppled over the edge just a moment later, letting his body cover Eddie’s and holding him tight in his arms.

They rode the aftermath out just clutching desperately at each other, until both their breaths picked a regular pace and the sweat on their skin started to dry. 

Eddie was getting restless, Richie could tell; he could feel him jumping at every sound, probably fearing the others would go looking for them. Richie couldn’t help but worry a little as well. They were surely worried by now, he didn’t know how long it had been since they’d parted ways. 

“Richie… We should-”

“Just… A few more minutes, please.” Eddie nodded silently against his shoulder and brought his arms around his neck. Tugged him close, let them both stay curled into each other for a bit more.

Once again, Richie believed that Eddie could hear him think even when he wasn’t speaking. 

_We might die tomorrow. Let’s be selfish, just a bit longer._


End file.
